Thursday, May 3, 2012


Maybe it’s because I’m starring 30 in the face and that means I can’t use my age as an excuse anymore or maybe it’s because my circle is changing; marriage, babies, house warming’s, moving for career and love and new opportunities, I realize I’m growing up – if not grown already! 

Seemingly in a rush I’m thinking of wedding venues, dress styles, house hunting in my head and designing a bombastic pad that will somehow always be immaculately clean, filled with children and a stripper pole in the master bedroom.  What’s the chase to have it all?  In my moments of anxiety I’m more grateful for my moments of stillness and clarity – not to mention a good glass of wine chill my increasing nerves.

I keep reminding myself that nothing comes before it’s time.  I’m on this quest for my ideal media career, I’m chasing my Masters Degree, have become increasingly health conscious and bringing up marriage to my boyfriend so much that you would think he proposed already.  What, don’t judge me, this is my space for honesty and my reality check!  I have to give him all the credit for handling it like a pro – because let’s face it; I’m not ready for marriage and babies! I’m ready to get a few fish and a growing bank account where I feel stable and comfortable enough to actually commit to those things.  They ain’t cheap! Don’t worry, I’ve already relented from the marriage talks and apologized for my recent behaviour, because the one thing I have learnt is, when you ask for things they really happen and when they start you can’t back down because you’re the one that set the entire thing in motion.

As I’m typing this I keep having flashes of Carrie typing on her Mac questioning, confessing and professing the week’s learning concerning, love, life, sex, friends and foes.  Something needs to be said for the ability to strip down all the fancy glamorous wants and see things as they are – I’m going to be 30 in a few weeks and while planning is awesome, life has a way of navigating its own course according to His plan.  This is why I’m faithful in knowing that I have encountered more wins than losses and continue to use those losses as a foundation to keep pushing forward.


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